| I wish I was half the man Charles Bronson is...was... |
[07 May 2008|08:26pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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Georges Bizet |
] |
My mind wanders through the hills of lands never visited,
Longing to stay there, only to be disheartened back to life,
But still, my mind wanders.
My mind wanders through words of authors,
That provoke discussions and disagreements within myself,
But still, my mind wanders.
My mind wanders, lost in the past,
Trying to run from the shadows of my towering faults, chasing me as the sun sets behind,
But still, my mind wanders.
My mind wanders in the future,
Wondering which decisions to make now and the anxiety of which I should not,
But still, my mind wanders.
My mind wanders,
Here in the present, though lost in the past;
Wherever the place: up on a hill;
With a thousand thoughts, within one man;
And turned toward the future, even as I die,
My mind still wanders.
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| You Know Who I Hate? ...People. |
[23 Apr 2008|07:54pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
] |
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music |
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Stevie Ray |
] |
So many wonderful things have happened as of late.
But instead I'd like to focus on what a problem I am to society,
poisoning the earth with my existence,
falling short of the grace of God,
not being a good enough friend
or a good enough brother
or a good enough son,
slowly killing myself through the voluntary introduction of toxins,
exempli gratis alcohol, into my body,
desecrating a temple that was built to serve God,
destroying a mind worth using,
dividing this soul within me,
E Plurubus Unum Taedium Vitae.
On the other hand...
Life has never been better.
Every day I wake from my soporific nocturne is a good day,
another day to do better than the last,
another chance to make my every last second count,
another day to find new love,
new hope,
new friends,
new places,
new beginnings.
A time to count the blessings that I do have,
my friends,
my family,
my health,
my God.
I don't know...Can You Feel It?
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| Dear Bruce Campbell, You Rock! Love, Wes |
[18 Jan 2007|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
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music |
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Oingo Boingo |
] |
Wassup? - Martin Lawrence. Just thought I should let anyone who wanted to know that I am still alive, but not much outside of work.
I also got my GPS battery today and scheduled an appointment to see a doctor about my earaches, chest pains, frequent shoulder discomfort, cough that I've had for over a month, and possible nail fungus. Not to forget the physical examination and immunization for India. Hopefully everything looks ok and I can go on a mission trip to India in March. Spread God's love.
Time to rock the night away.
I despise American Idol and materialism. And Charlotte's Web's Wilbur. Also, little dogs, coleslaw, fireria, doctors, psychologists/psychiatrists, and philosophy. I came up with a new definition for Psychology that I am proud of: Psychology is the study of the human mind in order to create more esoteric stereotypes, arcane generalizations and elitist prejudices.
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[06 Nov 2006|07:20pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
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music |
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Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone by Bill Withers |
] |
So just forget about hearing about Hong Kong for now. It's secrets being unveiled on a public internet community would have the same effect of dropping an atomic bomb on a city or turning off the power to the Ghostbuster's Ghost Holding Cell thing. Anyway, I really came here just to tell you all that sometimes horoscopes are just so real it's scary. Here's my latest from America's finest desk Calendar:
Pisces: You're not the kind of man who can limit himself to just one woman bringing him pancakes.
I'm a believer now. The stars have spoken the truth to me once again through their most loyal medium. I am a man who enjoys his Pancakes. And his taffy. And also (in no particular order):
Women, women with curly hair, females, low maintenance women, chicks, Harley Davidson Motorcycles, Jazz, Classic Rock, Women with nice legs, my pickup truck, horses, animals, bugs, lizards, snakes, roller coaters, movies, romantic comedies, musicals, plays, classical music, oldies, soul, blues, hard rock, metal, country, Women, God, Guns, Girls, Police, Dad, Mom, Sis, Bro, my Surrogate family, my books, my guitar, Cowboy Bebop, sandwiches, pizza, hotdogs, steak, Johnnie Walker Black, my friends, children, kitties, pups, women's everything, Jesus, silent moments, silent movies, myself, Monty python, Cookie Monster, Bert and ernie, Ladies, Nintendo, Five Iron Frenzy, Calibretto, Dream Theater, Daft Punk, gals, science, math, writing, prizes you get from cracker jacks, The onion, Fark, 4Chan, Internets, cell phones, obscure references, Sushi, spicy food, mexi food, family, all food, the Bible, romantic moments, candlelit dinners on an oceanside balcony looking out over the sunset in san simeon county, sunsets, sunrises, alaskan cruises to watch the glaciers and the penguins and polar bears and seals(though i've never been), memories, late night drives to no where in particular, California, Late night drives to surprise a loved one, America, Communism, concerts, museums, observatories, etc.
Things i don't like: Rap (though i've learned to put up with it), Pop-punk, popular culture, myself, Wilbur, spiders(still learning about these things), guys who treat girls bad(i.e. verbal abuse, physical abuse, rape, infidelity, running a one sided household, forceful lame-tards, disregarding their opinions, not being there for them if they can be, general unthoughtfulness, not treating them like the God-given gifts of beauty and balance they are to men, etc.), jerks, closed minds, programmed youth, cliques, short tempers, impatience, people who break the law and feel they're being victimized, internets, cell phones, divorce, abortion, democrats, republicans, hate(like the bad kind), prejudice, etc.
I'm sure there's more to me, but right now I feel like I need to be somewhere, but I don't know where. Maybe I'll visit my friends in San Diego.
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| Vacation's All I Ever Wanted... |
[28 Aug 2006|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow |
] |
Wow...IZ sounds absolutely amazing. I love hiz voice.
So here is another weekend of mine, straight from the heart and full of craziness...
August 25th, Friday: Some Co-workers invite me to a bar in Van Nuys called Ireland's 32. So I get their numbers and head home to shower. I role into the pub around 8:30PM. The place gets quiet one section at a time as they all stare me down coming through the doorway wearing my "Klingons Do It With Honor" shirt and my boots. I ignore their stares and move towards the front expecting to get carded at any moment. Instead everyone continues talking, looking at me cock-eyed. About five more minutes of that and I just go outside the bar and decide to wait for my friends. 8:45 roles around and I decide to give one of them a call. Except that I forgot all their numbers sitting on a piece of paper on my desk at work. So I drive back at 9PM and stop by the now closed office to get the numbers. I decide to get a bite to eat first so I drive to my house, make some Ramen and conk out at around 11PM watching "Batman Begins" again on my laptop.
August 26th, Saturday: Wake up at 8AM. My body is conditioned to not make my late to work when I get a full night's sleep. I want to go back to sleep, but I submit at about 8:30AM and listen to some NPR. I get ready and go into work to finish some stuff up I didn't quite get finished on Friday and to clean out my 140+ e-mail inbox. I roll into the office around 9:30AM and goof off on the internets until about 12PM and then I do some work. I get a call from my Dad and go out to Sushi at around 1PM. I go back home and play guitar and lounge around until around 4PM. Then I go to the Lobster Fest and consume a crustacean, its chunks of meat soaked in butter. For some reason Scientologists had a booth setup there. I wanted to approach them, but they kind of frighten me and I am afraid if I knew too much about their religion I would not be able to use being a Scientologist for not wanting to do something. Example: "Excuse me, sir. Could you take a moment for our street survey?" "Sorry buddy. I'm a Scientologist. It's against my religion." And then I walk away as they ponder what that means to them.
At around 7:20PM I go over to Ashley's house to pick her up for a party at my friend's/boss' house. We show up and make our rounds talking to people and then try our hand at Ms. Pacman on my friend's new cocktail game table. I could go into more details about the party and the many arcade games and poker tournaments and Karaoke and cigars and hor d'oeuvres and drinks and interesting people and pinball machines, but you probably wouldn't be interested...
We leave at 3:30AM from quite possibly one of the best parties I've ever been to. I drop off Ashley at her apartment and head home. I get to bed around 4AM.
August 27th, Sunday: I wake up at 9:45AM and get ready for Church, leaving late as my recent streak has been going. I role in at about 10:20AM and once service is over I go out to Agoura to my Company's Picnic. It was great! Pretty good food, and great entertainment. I don't know what anyone else was doing, but I went down to the creek and caught Crawdads. Or Crayfish. Or Crawfish. Whichever you prefer. I leave at about 4:somethingPM, keeping one of the crawfish, and go home. I fill a container full of water for the crawfish and then head over to Vicious' house. It is now almost 5PM and we have a date with an Eric Burdon and the Animals concert at 6PM. I pass by a young girl on the freeway whose car is stalled out in the right lane since the shoulders are blocked off for construction. I pick up Vicious and we go help the girl, jumping over a fence and onto the freeway. We push her car to a safe spot and she offers to buy us drinks, but we thank her, bow and then head off to see Eric Burdon's free concert in the valley.
It was a pretty good concert, but it wasn't as good as it could have been, since it was Eric Burdon after all. I drop off Vicious and go home, finish watching "Batman Begins" and then get to sleep around midnight.
Yet another weekend rolls right by me. Pretty wild. The Hong Kong dates are set for September. I am extremely looking forward to that. Gonna be awesome!
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| The cat came back... |
[21 Aug 2006|06:20pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment |
] |
Oh my. I don't know why I keep dissappearing from people's lives and then popping back in. I guess it just keeps things interesting that way. So many people I wish to spend time with. So little time.
August 17, Thursday Night: Snakes on a Mother F-ing Plane! Had some Thai food and an Asahi with a friend from work. Then we busted out my eleven tickets and my eight friends showed up and we hit the theater for our ten o'clock early showing. One friend didn't make it so I gave his ticket to some girl standing in line. She was very pleased. This movie is spectacular.
August 18, Friday Night: Went to an MMA fight in Hollywood held by Pangea(kind of like UFC) and watched several men beat the living daylights out of each other. One guy had to be checked out by a physician in the ring because he went lights out. Pretty awesome all in all. While we were going to get some In-N-Out afterwards I got a call from Vicious saying he wanted to go to Vegas.
August 19, 1-ish AM: Got home from Hollywood and went to Vegas with Vicious. We got there about 5-ish and walked around Old Downtown Fremont Street, got some cheap Steak and Eggs at Binion's, took a 1 hour nap in the back of Vicious' van, woke up, and went to Star Trek: The Experience at the Las Vegas Hilton.
August 19, Saturday Morning: Went to the Star Trek Convention, got to go on the Klingon Encounter and Borg 4-D Invasion rides, we each bought a nerd shirt, saw some browncoats and jedis, watched Leonard Nimoy and Bill Shatner on stage for a couple hours answering questions and reminiscing, then we walked to the Sands all the way down the strip to the Flamingo Hilton in the hot heat. If you do not know Vegas, that is quite a ways. Especially in my boots and spurs and hat!
August 19, Saturday Evening: We took the monorail back(smart move) and ate at Quark's Bar at Star Trek: The Experience. I had some Petrokian Jambalaya, Vicious had Moogie's Pasta. It was good stuff. Then we took another one hour nap in the van, woke up soaking wet with sweat, went on the Klingon Encounter ride again and then made our trek back home, making our usual stop in Ghost Town. It was flipping awesome! I am such a nerd! We got back around 2AM Sunday.
August 20, Sunday: Woke up at 10 for church, which is when it starts, I took a shower(because the Vegas trip took its toll, let me tell you) and made it just in time for some worship, communion and the message. Sweet! Ate some Breakfast with my surrogate family and took a four hour nap from 2PM-6PM. I woke up and called Vicious to help him clean out his van and he was busy at the time so I took out a book called "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Halfway through Vicous calls me and I go over to help clean the Van. I leave and go to Denis' house where I finish the book in my car listening to NPR about "The cat came back" and listened to Dan Savage talk about his relationship (homogay) with his ex-boyfriend in the mid 90s and about his xbf dying of AIDs. Then NPR's This American Life went on about a family and the death of their little brother. between these programs and the ending of the book it was too much for me and I have to admit I got a little teary eyed. So I finished the book and the radio program, got some cheap Carl's Jr. and watched the Shatner roast on Comedy Central. It was hilarious! Got to bed at around 2AM.
August 21st, Monday: Work. Lots of it. My boss is finally back and there is a lot to do. Going to take me awhile to finish everything so I decided to take a break for a bit and update in here while I still remember. I want to go Karaoke tonight or go to my new favorite bar "The Cowboy Palace Saloon," but I think I may just stay in the big house at home watching "The Long Kiss Goodnight" since my surrogate family is out of town for this week. I may just do it all!
Just a side note...Something's been slipping in my life, I hate to say. I don't know what. I feel like I am losing grip on something. Like my reality is slowly fading, melting, exposing the vast emptiness behind the backdrop of a good life that up until now I had called home. It's not a spiritual thing. Maybe it is. I feel so in tune with God, but not in a good way. I want to study His Word more each day, but I never do. I want to do right by Him, but I never do. It's like I am finally back where I want to be only to see that I am doing everything I know I shouldn't be right now. I am not looking for pity, but it is a curious feeling. A feeling of both joy and sadness. Very strange. I should not be an alcoholic. I will work things out. I know what I need to do...I just need to do it. I am in control of this stupid brain of mine. We'll work it out.
Also...look at my current music...That's pretty depressing, too. I am not a mainstream guy at all. I feel the worst about that I think. Gosh I hate popular music.
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| Still my guitar... |
[03 Jul 2006|01:36am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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none |
] |
Anyone know the end to that line? Anyone care? Does anyone even read this anymore now that I have not updated in awhile again? I get like that. I get really really busy and end up not responding to personal e-mails or checking up on friends or calling my parents or even socializing outside of work. Sometimes I don't socialize. Sometimes I plan to hang out and then lose track of time, get caught up in something trite, or I simply forget or fall asleep. I hate that. I hate looking at that in the mirror. Knowing that somewhere behind those eyes there lies something deeper something that can unlock everything that I despise and want to make right. In my mind I have the answers to every question I've ever asked and simply haven't looked for the answer in me that I already know. Knowing the keys to better time management and focus lie underneath a coating of skin and bone just swimming. Just drowning.
I've never really turned to writing out what always goes inside my head here seriously because I've always seen it as kind of a cop out. Kind of a cry for attention or a pathetic substitute for spending quality time with real people. Maybe that's why I am writing in it now. Maybe I am finally writing out here what is inside me. Maybe it's just another figment of my imagination. I really don't know why. That bothers me.
I can no longer sort out what belongs in my mind and what shouldn't. Or rather, more correctly, I can no longer keep the control I once had over my mind. I always let it roam free so that at times when I've needed it most it has left me feeling empty. So many thoughts run through my mind that I do not know the answer to that I should very well know the answer to because it affects no one but myself. Am I lonely? Am I alone? Do I really want the career I've decided I wanted or did I convince myself to want it? Am I keeping myself from advancing? Do I want children? Do I want to have a wife to take with me as I find the answers to these questions? Do I want to date? Do I want to even try anymore? Am I making myself lonely because I enjoy the pain? Am I feeling any pain? I don't know.
I look inside myself and see these questions. Everyone has questions about themselves. Once I pair them up with who I am my mind starts to depreciate. It starts losing its value, my value. All these questions that I know I don't have the answer to and all the answers I have that I still question because I want to justify my existence to myself. What a selfish thought. The thought itself disgusts me. It was never about me and yet I keep bringing it back there. I know I exist for a reason and my existence is not in question, so don't think I am all depressed and feeling like I have no way out. That's not it at all. I exist, but what value does that hold? Everyone can add to the world and everyone can take away. Most of us do both. I do both. It is that balance between the two that I find most disturbing. Equaling out the good and the bad. I need to find what I am. Am I a Positive, a Negative, or an Equaler? If i were truly more pessimistic I would say that we are all negatives, slowly killing ourselves and other at the sake of our selfish and greedy endeavors. If I were more philanthropic and optimistic I would say that we are continuing to make the world a more free place, a place of acceptance where we can rid ourselves of disease and famine and just smiling at our neighbor would brighten their day. The truth, that I find at least, is that we are doing both, but instead of it equaling out to nothing we actually are making progress in bettering our world at the same time that we are killing ourselves. There is no getting around that, and now that we have started on this out-with-the-old in-with-the-new-age rollercoaster we simply have to ride it out and hope that when the ride stops we have gone out with a bang instead of a whimper.
The sound of the world coming to an end.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
The world is coming to its end.
And yet, throughout all my questioning and even part of my questioning I have one solid thing that keeps me grounded. There is one thing that has always been there for me that has never changed when I've been a negative or a positive. One thing that I always knew was there and was able to see more clear when I was made aware of it. One thing that brings me to my knees in tears asking for forgiveness. One thing so undeserved that it nearly sickens me to think that I should receive it. I can't help but make this one point and for as long as I live I will not be able to understand how people get through their lives from day to day and still be able to sleep at night without it. One thing that kept me there even when I turned my back. Christ's love is great. So great that a word alone cannot describe what it means to me. Jesus Christ loved. He still does. He always has. God loves. He cares. He has always loved me no matter what. The one person in the entire universe that deserves the most praise asks so little of me and yet I still come up short. That He still loves me blows my mind. I know He loves me. After understanding what that means there is no way I can go back. Even though God can humble this man and bring him to his knees crying like a child, I still cannot make myself the offering that I think He deserves.
And there are still so many unanswered questions. Pray with me.
God, I have screwed up so much and thank You for Your grace abounding. You are the most awesome God on high that loved me before I was born, that knows everything about me and still loves me despite that. I am the least of any of Your servants, Lord, but I ask that You help me, Father. Please help make me a living sacrifice to You Father. I pray that if someone is hurting they realize that they can come to You. You know I do. Please help this country of America to focus on You once again and get back on track. Please protect our troops the best You can. Still, in all these things I just ask that Your will be done and not mine. If these offerings of prayer were not enough or against your perfect plan, Father, I submit to those. Please help me to submit to Your will. In all good things I do, let me do them in Christ that I may add to Your kingdom. Thank you again, Father, for the love of Christ dying on the cross for my sin and the promises You have given to us. In His name, Amen.
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| My soul yearns for... |
[22 May 2006|06:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
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David Gray - Please Forgive Me |
] |
My hands bound behind my back, tears in my eyes.
"ALL LIES!" No surprise. Little by little my spirit dies.
My captor takes off the sack and I can see.
"Who's he?" Not me. Nothing. No, nothing I'd ever be.
Makes me look in a mirror; I cannot bare...
"Who cares?" I stare. My life, God. My life isn't fair.
Is this me I see clearer? It has to be...
"That's me!" I finally see. There's no hope for me.
There never was.
There never will be.
It's taken me so long...
Go on without me.
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| I've been....huh? |
[03 May 2006|06:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Calibretto |
] |
Tagged? There will be no tagging on my part, but I will gladly write 5 things that prove I am the line between genius and insanity. These are "The Five Weird Habits of Me"
1. I will eat anything. Even if I hate it. Even if I find it in the trash. I don't have too. But I do...maybe not human flesh. Then again...
2. I place all of my hangers with the hooks facing in one direction. All the clothes that are on those hangers must face the same direction. This is only if I am putting my clothes away. If you were to go and mess up my hanger organization I would be sad, but not compelled to fix it.
3. I like urinating outside. If I can, I will.
4. I think it is hilarious to throw up at just the right moment. I have thrown up many a time for fun. Not so often recently, though.
5. Sometimes when I am alone and I feel like I can fly I close my eyes and try to visualize it so that I actually would fly. I never have gone off the ground. I also try to visualize having "The Force" so that I can make things come to me. That hasn't worked yet either.
None of those are weird. Just sad. What a sad man. A sad man am I.
Now I will go try to fly home, picking up some trash to eat on the way home only to throw it up later. When the toilet will not come to me through the force I will have to urinate outside. And then fall asleep on my tarp I've laid underneath a bridge and I will cry myself to sleep that no one believes in my exponential multiplication theory. Just like every other night.
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| Time to get medieval... |
[27 Apr 2006|05:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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FIVE IRON FRENZY |
] |
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALRIGHT! I feel SO energetic right now......Like I am going to do something REAAALLLLLLY crazy! And I plan on it! I am sure it will end up on here, whatever I do.
So last friday I borrowed my Dad's truck (Thanks Dad) went to Magic Mountain after work during the Hallelujah Jubilee and hung out with one of my friends from work. I stayed there 'til around 12:30AM and then made a quick stop back home before taking off to San Diego to chill with Homegirl. I made great time at 2 in the morning except for one part of the 5 that was closed down for about three miles (it took me about forty minutes longer to use their detour). So I arrived in San Diego about 4:30AM. I couldn't find a spot to park so I eventually just pulled up to a grocery parking lot and slept on the back seat in the car until about 6:30AM when I awoke and went to use the restroom at the local grocer. That's when I received a call from the Friendly Female asking where I was and then telling me to go to her Apartment. I obliged, got a great parking spot and was warmly greeted by the Welcoming Woman. We talked for awhile and I got to see the pad and see her Roomie. I didn't let her go back to sleep because I am a loser like that and then we continued onward in the day. I got a tour of her campus from the Showy Sheila and then we continued onward again. It is hard for me to remember every detail, but we drove around for awhile and talked on some beach where we saw duckies at a visitor center and then went to go get some coffee. The Big "B" arrived and we went to let him in to take a leak. We went out to a store and got food that the Darling Duo made for my consumption and it was delicious. Spaghetti and garlic bread and delicious. We watched Law and Order and I watched the Roomie walk around in her underwear. I wanted to join her, but I wasn't sure how I would be received. ...HAH! Wood. Seriously, though. It was pretty hot.
I woke up around 9AM and got some excercise while the others slept or talked or whatever and I listened to a CD that reminds me to thank God. We went to Mass at 12:30PM and the man in the robe did something that made everyone gasp. We went to Miguel's Mexican Restaraunt in Coronado and there was much innuendo and double entendre as to the creamy white sauce we were dipping our chips into. Less so by me. Way too childish of a thing for me to do...Can you hear sarcasm over teh internets?...We then went hanging around the GasLamp district and got these chocolate things that made me feel all fuzzy and delicious. Then we went into Victoria's Secret and the Cheeky Chick checked it out while me and Ace walked around awkwardly. I wandered outside by a fountain where the Moonlight Sonata was playing and I waited 'til they emerged Victorious from Victoria's. We walked around and went into an erotic shop so I could look for novelty glow-in-the-dark condoms. Not for usage. Simply because they fascinate me.
We went back home and I left at 7:40PM and arrived home at 10PM and returned the truck to my Dad. I got some sleep and on Monday My Pops asked me to water his dog while he and his whatever were at work. I did and while I was at it I picked up CDS and DVDS and Pants and Ties and Guitar Gear and all sorts of stuff to crowd my trailer more. It was rad. My room was just as I left it and covered in dust. Just like a ghost town. So Tuesday rolls around and I get off of work early to go to Medieval times with my Extended Fam of whom's backyard I live in. It was my extended little bro's birthday. WE HAD A BLAST. there were Horsies and Falcons and Knights and sword fights and people dying and maces and spears and a king and his hot princess daughter and a flashing cup and yelling until my voice left and just having a grandoise time!!!! I took some crappy pictures, but I also tooksome cool videos of the Falconry! Radical. Boss. Groovy. COWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABUNGAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Where am I?
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| I can't stop this feeling... |
[15 Apr 2006|12:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Kamikaze |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Merrie Melodies |
] |
What's life without love? Love without you?
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| Sometimes I think about you... |
[03 Apr 2006|08:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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useless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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FIVE IRON FRENZY |
] |
Ok, I just spent something like the last 3 hours of my life resizing images and then uploading, renaming, and giving descriptions to each photo. Y'all better go check out my San Francisco trip. Either go to my Yahoo 360 page at:
http://360.yahoo.com/greenlantern3010
At the right hand side you will see my photos or go to Yahoo Photos at:
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/greenlantern3010/my_photos
I have larger versions of each picture and also some "extra" photos that I am only going to tease people with right here by saying that I have them. They are the pics that got cut because they either weren't good enough or endangered people's lives. We're not kids anymore. This isn't a game. Real people could die.
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| ...Squishes the tomato and says "Catch up!" |
[31 Mar 2006|11:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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loved |
] |
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music |
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Five Iron, David Crowder |
] |
Let me just go on record that I have updated this puppy so many times in such a short span that it scares me. Has my life gotten more interesting? No it has probably, in all reality, just gotten more boring that I find more time to write in it. Except this time...
This last week has been absolutely amazing. What have all these things got in common:
1500 miles, San Fran, A really big tree, Humboldt, New Friends, Late night 3 hour conversations, Sunsets, God, Sorrow, Sore butt, Passport, Baseball, Taxes, Pictures, Work?
It's all been my last week and the future of this week as well. Here's the nutshell:
*Ring ring* "Hello...San Francisco?...Humboldt?...I'm there!"
Around 400 miles or so later I am finding that, much to my surprise, I am more than getting along with the person who invited me, but I am actually forming a friendship. A solid one too. Not the kind that are based off of which movies we think are the coolest or which foods are the best (Pepsi), but instead a friendship founded on connection and discourse. I can honestly say that I thought I would have thoroughly ticked her off by the first stop to get gas. Instead I found myself wanting to be friends with her. It was astounding.
So then there's San Francisco. A big two day stretch before more road time. It was spectacular. Sea Lions and terrible street design, Ghiradelli chocolate and the largest population of openly homosexual people living in Castro, San Fran had it all.
So then we have a large tree that we drove through. Yeah. A majestic Redwood with a car inside it. That was pretty sweet.
Fast forward to Humboldt, the car ride is over and the friendship has now been upgraded to a friend-frigate. I had already planned on having been dead at this point by the hands of the car-mate so when I actually arrived at Humboldt alive I was curious as to what I would do. No worries. The friends of my new friend were really cool and we all instantly thought the best of each other. I enjoy the company of the people who let me sleep on their couch quite a bit. They took us to a clothing optional beach. We spelunked. We hiked. We saw God move the sun past the waves and into the sea. God is awesome. Absolutely paramount.
Now the trip is almost over, the car ride home, ten hours or so from Humboldt to San Fran, were we picked up another body, and then back down to Simi. Then there was farewell. Not goodbye. Anything, but that! "Parting is such sweet sorrow." They obviously don't know what they are talking about. I don't want to leave! The fun has to end some time I suppose. But I can find no sweetness in parting. It is now a Friend-battle cruiser. You remember how hard those things are to sink in Battleship. The mind is still molested. Simple minds...How sad.
Next morning there is no time for sleep. Wake up to find the twenty hours plus of car time have given my bum quite a bruising. I go to the store to pick up a quick breakfast and head to the post office. I get the passport stuff taken care of...oh, my! That hair is EVERYWHERE in the photo. I should have realized waking up late would do this to me. I'll be mistaken for Nick Nolte at every passport checkpoint now. So then I get back to settle in and take a shower and do laundry from the trip. Let's take a shower. Where's my spongey thing? Ah yes, I knew it subconciously. The itty bitty Snickers dog came into my trailer last night for a quick moment and I must have been distracted with something, that I obviously value very much, and didn't notice the pup take my spongy thing. Yep, there it is ripped up and dirty under the trailer. No matter. I'll just go buy some more things at the store. No spongey lacey thing...I'll just take this instead. I get back and realize I need drinking water, which I could have gotten at the store. Shower first. I go to check the hot water and of course it runs out immediately because the pilot light drained the propane while I was gone. Instead of using my backup tank I decide it is early enough to simply get this tank filled, so I do that and bring it back and hook it up and start the pilot light and turn on the water heater. Not gonna be ready for awhile so I start cleaning the trailer and a load of laundry. I pick up my friend from school who was feeling sick. More like a little brother. Who happens to be taller and probably stronger than me, but not older. I hold that badge. Shower? Yes I will use the main house shower just after I empty out the full black water tank from the trailer. If you don't know, grey water is like dish water and rinse water so you can guess what black water is. It's emptied I'm showering and...wow, this new sponge I had to get sure feels like it is working. Feels like it's cleaned the entire top layer of skin off of my body. Oh well, I am clean and laundry is done. I hang out for awhile until...
Baseball time. I didn't think about this ahead of time, but after returning from a very long car trip I sit in the car with my Sister, her hubby, and his two kids on the five in rush hour trying to get to Dodger stadium to watch the Los Angeles Dodgers play the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in a preseason game. It is drizzling. No umbrellas allowed in the stadium? No problem. e happen to be under more stadium seats so it works out, but the game gets rained out at the top of the eighth. I also feel compelled to confess that I had a Coke at the stadium. I still don't like it, but for some reason it brings about so many good memories to me now...
Now tomorrow I have to help a friend move, do taxes, and upload pictures of the trip onto the net for all who have eyes that wish to see them. Plus work on monday after being out a whole week.
So in conclusion, I will not forget our promise. There are those people that I have let into a special place in my heart, a place full of my best friends, a place reserved for those who I can talk to easily. Those people can reach me at a level that others cannot. I hold them in highest regard. Then there is an even deeper level of those who really know me that I cannot explain.
And God...thank you for the promise You have given us. You have been such a shining light to my soul and I pray that Your will be done in my life. That I may be an asset to Your kingdom to use me as you see fit. Help me to spark in others what You have lit in me. Father, please watch over my new friends and thank You for my old friends. I cannot begin to explain how great You are , Lord. In this trip alone You have revealed Your love for us time and time again. Thank You. Please help me, Father. "Healing hands of God, have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, Light of the world, burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end. Here's my heart. Let it be forever Yours. Only You can make every new day seem so new." Amen.
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| I wish I could quit you... |
[14 Mar 2006|02:41pm] |
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mood |
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---- |
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music |
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---- |
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Now playing...
The heroic epic of two poor inner-city children trying to make it in a world of racism and confused angst as they tray to save their low-income housing tract from being demolitioned that they refer to as...
Broke Black Fountains
"I wish I could quit drugs..."
A group of rich children decide their time is better spent trying to save their local forests rather than getting an education or learning the responsibility of an honest job, so they start...
Smoke Stack Countin'
"I wish I could quit polluting..."
In the middle of the fiercest war, all one cowardly Nazi German soldier wants to do is be accepted by his peers so he's forced to...
Eat Sauer Krauten
"I wish I could cut Jews..."
And many more cliche and tiresome movies. Wipe you chin, because this dribble is going to explode the box office!
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| My Anguish Lies... |
[27 Feb 2006|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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Helpless |
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music |
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George Harrison - I Got My Mind Set On You |
] |
George Harrison - I Got My Mind Set On You
Togi Chan
BrokeBack to the Future
Toy Story 2: Requiem
Fatboy Slim
Yahoo! Personals (Seriously, I am there. Check it out. It allows me to keep a close eye on people I know who are on there.)
I Hate MySpace
Onion
Albino Black Sheep
Milk And Cookies
4Chan
Teh Internets
ST:TNG
Firefly
Serenity
Jazz
Rock
Classical
Late nights
Early mornings
Busy days
Women
Friends
Homeless
Lonely
Insane
Spectacular
Paramount
Amazing
Japan
China
Swords
Honor
Guns
21
AAAAHHHHHH!!!!
RaaaaAAAAAHHHHH!
...It's all meaningless...
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| A Christmas Poem... |
[11 Dec 2005|02:20pm] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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music |
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Calibretto - America |
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...doesn't it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy during Christmas? Here's something I've conjured up to bring in the Christmas season, with warm wishes from me to you. Enjoy!
There was a time
When Christmas was
All about the season,
And giving gifts
Meant giving things
Without rhyme or reason.
But now it means
We try our best
To each fill out a list,
And fulfill all
Our greedy thoughts;
Become capitalists.
We go to stores
And wait in lines
That no man should endure,
All for the love
Of passing things
Of which there is no cure.
America
You used to be
Founded In God We Trust,
But now you’ve lied
And here you’ll die
Ashes and dust to dust.
The point’s been made
A thousand times
And still nothing we do:
Things need to change
Is what we hear
But change must start with you.
It sounds cliché
Probably is
But more true words there aren’t,
If I were you
A jerk like you
I’d find a place to start.
I am a jerk
Not quite like you
But a jerk still the same,
And here's where I
Started myself
When I was, like you, lame:
Sit back and think
What matters most
Then maybe you will see,
What we all think
Matters most now
Is not things or money.
If I die tomorrow
There’s no need to wish me well:
There will be no sorrow
If in Heaven I will dwell.
If you die tomorrow
Will you really be so well?
Or do you need sorrow
To make others feel your Hell?
~Spike~
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| Exquisite Dead Guy or Castle Anthrax?... |
[09 Nov 2005|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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Remorseful, Petty, and Blessed |
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music |
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Silence |
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"...We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between the ages of sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half." If I had a nickel for each time I heard that.
Friend 1 (on phone): Hey man. What's up? Haven't heard from you in awhile.
Me: Nothing really. Just hanging out in my trailer eating pretzels dipped in my peanut butter jar for dinner...at nine PM. What have you been up to?
Friend 1: Ah, just got back from chillin' with some friends. We ended up in Pomona after a really long drive that got us lost. Then we went into some store called "Dario's" and it had all this really awesome stuff. A real hole-in-the-wall place though.
Me: Well that sounds pretty cool. What did they sell there?
Friend 1: It was kind of like a novelty shop. Magic tricks, wierd soda, costumes, weird candy, crystal sculptures. just kinda random stuff.
Me: Well it sounds like you had a pretty cool time, man!
Friend 1: Yeah it was pretty fun. So what are you doing right now?
Me: Still eating pretzels and peanut butter, getting ready for bed. Gotta get that sleeping bag warmed up early in the trailer.
Friend 1: so you wouldn't want to hang out?
Me: Nah not tonight. I'm kinda tired and besides that it sounds like you've already had a full night.
Friend 1: Alright, well I'll talk to you later then.
Me: Goodnight man.
Friend 1: Goodnight.
(15 minutes go by. It is now 9:27PM. Footsteps approach the trailer and then a knock is heard at the door.)
Me: Entre Vue! (Spelling?)
Friend 2: Hey I wanted to know if you wanted to play some video games. You up for it?
Me: Sure, but I can't stay too long.
(Quickly Fade out and then in.)
Me: I'll see ya later man.
(As I walk along I mutter to myself...as I always do)
Me: 10:15PM. What should I do? (singing my own song)Pretzels and Pea-Nut But-ter!
(I start dipping pretzels in peanut butter and consume a ginger ale. I go and get the iBook. As it powers up I entertain myself with the pretzels. Once booted I login.)
Narrator: And so another night of long work hours and mediocrity meet in this little trailer in a suburban neighborhood outside of Los Angeles. As the cold continues to sharpen the ingested peanut butter will slowly work its way into the 20-somethings body to be stored when he turns 30. Once he's turned thirty, the still single male will start releasing all the fat stored up for those years in the form of protective cushioning and all those years of living minimally will catch up and disperse havoc throughout his body. Then having eaten McDonald's more then twice in his lifetime his heart will slowly shut down and he will simultanesously have cancer and a heart attack while being treated for his 3rd time for a case of hepatitis only known to infect certain reptiles. Lucky for him he was never able to marry and have kids because he'll be dead by 42 and would no longer be able to support them.
Me: Who is that?
Narrator: ...Did I say that out loud?
Me: Yeah "Carl Sagan." Ya did.
Narrator: Um....
(I fall to my knees and close my eyes hard.)
Me: God, I know I've screwed up. Probably more than any one person could ever realize. I've hurt my friends before, I've hurt my ex girlfriend, I've lied, I've been sexually immoral, I've cussed and broken laws, I've been heartless, cold, mean, I've broken promises to both my friends and worst of all I've broken my promises to You. Father, I love You so much, and I love what You've done for me on the cross, and I thank You for the oppurtunity to share the peace and promise I have found in You. God, please have mercy on this wretched soul, a soul that seeks evil things and delights in the misfortune of others. A soul that wishes for good, but does bad. I am so sorry God. I am sorry world. I am sorry family. I'm sorry friends. My life is just a joke sometimes. Father I ask for you to take my soul and rekindle its flame, I ask that you give me the spirit to spread the Gospel. Father I ask for the eyes to see those that are in need and the mind to know when to talk to them and the Words I speak, Father, speak through me, so that I may be an asset to Your Kingdom and so that others can hear and receive the knowledge of Your love. God forgive me for those I may have hurt and those I may have shown a bad witness to. Nothing else makes sense, Lord. Evolution, Big Bang, coincidences: None of those can fully explain what You have spoken into existence. Abortion, drugs, homosexuality, alcoholism, murder, vanity, capitalism, sex, TV: These are all things we try to fill in our lives to make them less empty and we rationalize them to trick ourselves into thinking we can follow two gods. God, You are my God. Please help me, Father. I ask just that Your will and not mine be done Father, that You use me in whatever way You can and I ask that I be submissive to Your will Father, and that Your will be in me and shine through me, Father. I ask that you open my knowledge to Your inspired Word and that if I am wrong someone can correct me, Father. Thank you so much, God. Amen.
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| Just begging for a vicious updating... |
[17 Oct 2005|08:44pm] |
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mood |
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Orwellian |
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music |
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You're all tools (not really music...) |
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So have you heard? Of course you have. Everybody's heard. Or rather, everybody is a member. I am talking, obviously, about the new Internalnet base everybody is using. It's absolutely great! All you have to do is go down to your local Internalnet supplier and have them implant Konformiton's patented chip. Once the chip is implanted it allows you to automatically send and receive your every thought to their Servopia server base where all the collective data is then in turn accessible to you when your mind activates their chip and allows you to browse their data through their Bioglia searcher. Sure the Internalnet has been a great advance from the days of the Internet, but now we can go places unthought of. Just imagine, your every thought being automatically updated to a database that allows others to search through your very mind! Imagine the data that people could have access to at the mere idea of something. Imagine knowing how to get to a place without having ever traveled there! The possibilities are endless. Just think of the great collection of data we as a people can obtain once everyone's minds are loaded into the Servopia server base. All our dreams, all our lives, automatically being put into a server base where each others thoughts can be algorithmically located and added to the Servopia hub. No matter how insignificant the person, their contribution will help hone Konformiton's Bioglia searcher so that it can continue to serve us our needs and our wants. Think of how great it would be to have all your thoughts, however meaningless and trite, loaded into the server base to be searched by all! But not just anyone can search. Only those who are members can search this very special Internalnet base. So hurry up and get your implant. I've got mine...
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:1-5
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| On Fire! |
[29 Sep 2005|02:05pm] |
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mood |
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 rushed |
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music |
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Johhny Cash - Ring of Fire |
] |
Oh Noes!!! My city is on fire! It isn't the first time and probably won't be the last. My company is setup as an unofficial headquarters for the firefighters since our building is so close to where the fire was heading. They were here all morning, but now the fire has shifted directions and the side of town where I work is under control so they left and headed to the front lines again. The power keeps on flickering on and off, but we'll see where the day goes.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34 NIV
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